Wednesday, May 6, 2015

Time to snap out of it!

Was thrown into a turmoil since the fateful day when Alicia told me the news.

For the past few days, I felt like I was transported back in time. To that miserable time when I was his and yet I wasn't his. It's as if I was experiencing the breakup all over again. Yesterday I listened to The Songs that had special meanings or memories.. Or those that he used to sing. And tears just automatically flow.

For the past few days, I was that stupid, naive, worthless Pris from 3 years ago again.


Read through his previous tweets last night with the intention of recalling more sweet memories to add on to my dedicated blog post to him.. But I ended up recalling why I decided to leave him for good. Immediately the "spell" was broken and I reverted to the current me again.

I never thought I would be grateful for the nasty things he did to me in the past.. 
The very same things that caused me great heartache and misery actually turn out to be my saviour now!

Life is simply profound, isn't it?

What's good may turn out to be bad.
And vice versa.


So now, the current (cold-hearted?) Pris is back and free from grieve.
Regained the control of my emotions and life.
I think?

Well still, it felt kinda nice (in a way) to actually have feelings again. I guess.


Special thanks to friends who showed concern for me these days. It was really unexpected and I am really touched. For some, we haven't been in contact at all. But yet they bothered to message me and asked if I'm okay.

Feeling so blessed by how each and everyone show their concern for me in different ways. ♥

Just some examples..

N: Hang in there girl.. *Hugs* (Plus a lot of sound advice.)
G: Anything I can do to help?
P: Do you need a hug?
K: Just ignore them and no need to reply. If they want to know, they can just go to his wake.
E: Do you need me to accompany you to his wake?
A: Nuna u alright?
C: Jiejie you feeling okay?

And of course, some others like my animal buddy.. I may not mention all of you, but you know who you are!

The Most Unusual Comforting Tactic Award (if there is one) would surely goes to L.
L: 姐姐。你前男友卖咸鸭蛋了

His method is so creative indeed. At first I thought he was gloating over his death.. But eventually I realized he was just checking on me to see if I'm taking the news well and trying to comfort me by reminding what he was like so I need not feel too sad over his death.

I really like him (only as a friend lah) because he's very real and frank. And despite his ah beng-ish appearance (haha!) and his seemingly crude remarks, he is actually a very caring person. Which he is too prolly too proud to admit. 谢啦.. :)


Thank you, everyone.. I'm okay already. I think?

At least now I feel more confident that I can attend his wake without breaking down. As of now lah!
No more surprises please!

The dead's already gone. To me, I think the living ones who have been left behind are more important.
I hope auntie is coping well with her loss..


After this incident, I am absolutely convinced that my belief is correct.

When I love someone, I go all out to love him. No matter how stupid and crazy I may seem.
Which is why, I have no regret when I knew he was dying or even after he's gone.
Not even when I was told that he actually still remembers me after all these years.
(Or perhaps I still find it hard to believe.. Self denial? I don't know.)

I will apply these beliefs to everyone who matter to me so that I can die with no regrets when my time is up. Hopefully.

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