Conflicting Thoughts

Woes of a Libra, I guess? Over-think too much and to make it worse, my thoughts are so conflicting and ever-changing.

Seriously, what are my real thoughts? Even I myself is confused..

It's better that he passed on peacefully.

Why did he have to go? I don't want him to go!

I don't love him anymore.

But yet the things that I am still willing to do for him..

I don't care about him anymore. (Plus loads of similar I-don't-care remarks.)

*Keep listening to The Songs and tearing.* 
*Keep thinking of him.* 
*Keep posting stuff about him.* 
*Keep feeling upset when his "friends" seem unaffected about his death.* 
*Keep replaying the videos just to hear his voice.* 
*Keep denying that he's already gone.* 
*Keep expecting to see his spirit somewhere or in my dreams.* 
*Keep getting disappointed when I don't see him.* 
*Keep waiting for his last words to me.. Directly from him and not from his mum or Alicia.* 
*Keep blaming him for leaving and expecting him to come and argue back with me.. Like he used to.* 
*Keep thinking about all the what-ifs and if-onlys.*

Even I wanna tell myself this.. Siao ah! Snap out of it leh!

How long do I want to stay this way??

Life goes on. Time to keep moving..

Separations are always so hard to get over.. Especially when we don't know when we will ever meet again.