Random Thoughts

And It's All Coming Back To Me Now

Previously, a 14-year-old boy committed suicide by jumping off his block.

I understood why he did that but I had forgotten how he felt.

Until last Saturday, I remembered that feeling.

It was triggered by a very trivial matter.
At least it is trivial to me NOW, after I've calmed down.

But at that point in time, it was enough to push me off the edge.

Like, literally.

I remembered glancing over and thinking that jumping down isn't that scary.
But problem is, was it high enough to die from this height?
(When I am at my normal self, I am scared of heights, by the way.)

But

I Will Not Kill Myself

Never will.

This is because I firmly believe that it's a test for me to overcome.
Committing suicide is like submitting an incomplete answer sheet and leaving the exam hall before the time is up.

No way. I am NOT giving up without a fight.
I am not going to "repeat this module". I don't want to relive this kind of life again.
I am going to pass this and move on to the next lesson in life!

Thank God for the Hopes

While I was feeling unwanted and worthless.. Friends offer concern to me.
I needed that.

Thank you everyone! May God bless you all.

My Most Desired Wish

My last "dramatic" post before I ended my emotional outburst in Facebook was this.

Still feel a bit emotional when I re-read what I wrote now.

Especially the last part.

I really, really wish to have some love and family warmth someday.

But oh well.

Even if I can't be born into a loving family..

Even if I don't have the luck to find the right guy to create my own loving family with..

I can always count on little furry angels to form a loving family with me.

 

(Mocha may be not in this world physically anymore but she is always in my heart.

My house will always reserve a place for her!)

Thank you to my furry family who have always been there for me all these years.

(Except Fluffy who just came into my life last year.)

I love you all and I always will. ♥♥♥