RIP, Jonghyun

When I heard of the news of Jonghyun's suicidal, my thought was, “Why?” 

Thank you Jonghyun, for leaving the letter and asking his friend to show it to the world. His final words gave me a glimpse of the inner thoughts of a depressed and suicidal person. 

Hopefully I won’t have any friends who need me to pull him/her back but with better understanding, perhaps I stand a higher chance of saving someone in need if the need ever arises.

---

It’s pretty traumatic when someone around you commit suicide. Even if you weren’t close with the person. One day you realized you won’t see him/her ever again. And you blame yourself for not noticing, not doing anything to help while he/she had been suffering all these while.. All the what-ifs..

It’s been years since I received The Call from A's family informing that he had passed away. He had MIA-ed from work for a few days and not responding to our calls and msgs. It was an awful shock to me when I finally realized why. 

He was middle-aged, still pretty young. His health was okay. He was always joking around with everyone. I remember there was this time when he noticed that our receptionist was quieter than usual and asking me, "Is she okay?" Then he tried to crack some jokes to cheer her up.

How would someone like him be.. Not okay??

Little did we know.. Deep inside, he was depressed and stressed. He hid it well and none of us realized it. He had planned in advance. After he got his pay, he distributed all his money. He had even cleared out his stuff in office.. :(

For a long time, I blamed myself. I felt that we could have saved him. If only we joke with him more, show more concern for him, smile to him more often.. Maybe he would not bear to leave like that.. In that way. Maybe he would see that it's not totally hopeless yet..

---

So is death really what you thought it is?

Are you guys happier now?

Motherhood

The other night, I had a simple dream.

In that dream, I was spending time with my baby (girl?).

I was teaching her how to say "mummy".

It was a very brief dream, yet very heartwarming.

One of the rare dreams that I actually still remember after waking up.

Since I was young, I had longed to become a mother.

Ideally, to have a son first.. Followed by a daughter.

Because I always wanted to have a (handsome) elder brother to protect me.

(Watched too much Japanese manga.. Haha!)

Dreamt of dressing them up in cute little outfits.

Hoped to be able to be a housewife like my mum so I can watch them grow.

But unfortunately, Fate likes to play jokes on me. Right?

Circumstances don't allow me to be one.

I'm 35 already and there is no guy whom I would want to spend my life with.

No matter how much I long for my own loving family and children,

I am not going to accept any guy that comes along.

Kinda defeats the purpose since if the guy is not good husband and father material.

I will only marry for love, never out of desperation.

There won't be any happiness in a love-less relationship.

Despite my old age.. Who knows God may bestow me with a baby someday?

And hopefully with a man who will be a good husband to me, a good father to my baby.

Anyway, just gonna have faith and trust that whatever happens is for a higher Purpose.

Someday I'll understand why things happen the way it did and be grateful for it.

---

In the meantime, I'll just manage my life carefully and make the best of what I've been given.

My First Overseas Work Trip!

Been super busy all of a sudden so I didn't really have the time to feel excited.. 

But The Day is tomorrow so suddenly I'm feeling so excited! Haha!

Yes, I'm going to Batam tomorrow! Not for my own leisure but to coordinate for my company's teambuilding retreat! 

Ferry tickets, guided day trips, hotel stay.. All paid by the company! Woohoo! How cool is that~~~!

This is the first time I'm traveling overseas for work. 

Although it's just Batam and only for 3D2N, I'm pretty excited nonetheless!

It's also going to be the first time I stay in a hotel room ALONE! Gosh, I'm a bit scared actually. 

Hope it's clean ya! >.< Gonna bring my baby Cookie.. de cushion! ❤

Gonna be away for 3D2N.. Hope Zai will behave himself at home. No biting please! 

And I hope he can still well at night even though his human bed (ME!) is not around.

 

My cute little manja boy..

I gonna miss sleeping with him too!

Random Sweet Call from Steffi

Was packing up to go home when I received a call from my sis's home.

Something happened at home?

Did Zai run off again?

Answered the phone and it was Steffi! 

She just wanted to tell me that she created a slime successfully.

Aww, she called to share her happiness with me. 

She wanted me to go and see her masterpiece but I had to decline as I'm trying not to let my family notice my injured toes. (Opps!) I'm sorry, my darling Steffi!

Chatted with her briefly and she ended the call with "Love you, Ah Mai!"

I love my little xiao Ting Xuan too~❤

Renewing my Fibre Plan!

Time flies! My current contract is ending in about 2 weeks! Has it been 2 years already??

Gotta renew before my current plan ends! 

Was thinking of downgrading my plan to this:

Pure 200

$70 Router Discount

[FREE] Home Voice Subscription

24 months contract

BONUS:

Service Installation Fee Waived ($58 U.P.)

[FREE] 1st Month ($36.88 U.P.)

..But then Ultra 1 Gbps is having a promotion now too:

Ultra 1Gbps Ultra Value Bundle

Last 12 Months at $29.99/mth ($49.99/mth U.P)

$100 Router Discount

[FREE] Home Voice Subscription

24 Months Contract

BONUS:

Service Installation Fee Waived ($58 U.P.)

[FREE] 1st Month ($49.99 U.P.)

To compare:

Pure 200

Total Cost for 24 months: $36.88 x 23 months (1st month is free) = $848.24

Ultra 1Gbps Ultra Value Bundle

First 12 months: $49.99 x 11 months (1st month is free) = $549.89

Next 12 months: $29.99 x 12 months = $359.88

Total Cost for 24 months: $549.89 = $359.88 = $909.77

Difference in Cost (24 months): $909.77 - $848.24 = $61.53

Difference in Cost (per month): $61.53 / 24 months = $2.56

Aiya, I may as well stick to Ultra 1Gbps Ultra Value Bundle! Heehee!

Yeah, I can save some money! 

Currently I'm paying $49.99 per month. Previously the promotion for my plan was similar but it was $34.99 per month for the first 12 months and $49.99 per month thereafter. Happy that the plan is getting cheaper and cheaper! ^^

---

I can still remember how happy I was to be able to have my own unlimited fibre plan AT LAST! 

I used to have limited (insufficient!) data usage and always had to be 'thrifty' whenever my mobile data was running out. There were times when I was playing games with my girlfriends and whenever we stayed up to fight guild battles, I had to sit outside my sister's house to steal (opps!) their wifi! Luckily her house is just beside my parents' house. Heehee!

Ever since I had my own unlimited fibre plan, I could watch videos, play games and surf net to my heart's content. ❤

Sigh, I miss my iPad 2. It finally "RIP" after I've used it for several years.. I don't know, around  years? So many fond memories.. Reading manga and watching videos with it was SO SHIOK. Previously I was very poor but now that I'm beginning to have some spare cash.. I do feel like getting a new one. 

Should I get an iPad (whatever series) or a laptop..? Hmm.. But on second thoughts, I still have some outstanding debts AND I'm saving up for my dream house.. I guess I don't really need an iPad..

Pre-Birthday Dinner with Animal Buddies!

I have 2 animal buddies who are very dear to me even though we only meet up 3, 4 times a year.

(During our birthdays and CNY.)

So needless to say, I was quite excited because I finally get to meet them again! ❤

Had dinner with them at Melben because I felt like eating their crab beehoon.

Tada!

Love all the dishes!

(Crab Beehoon, Salted Egg Pork Ribs, Cereal Prawns and Stirred-Fry Dou Miao)

The salted egg pork ribs are super nice! I wish Orlene can try them too!

Felt kinda bad because they treated me and the bill was quite expensive!

But Shuqi said it's okay as long as we enjoy the meal together. :)

---

Time always seem to pass very fast when I'm with them.

I'm glad all of us are happy now.. Got stable jobs, enough money to spend and both of them are happily married with their partners. Never hear them complain about their other halves so I guess everything going well in their marriages. Thank God!

Before leaving, we agreed to meet up soon and not wait until the next CNY.. Haha! I sure hope so!

I'm Confirmed! ❤

HOORAY!!!

Finally I can put my heart at ease!

Although my AMs had assured me a few times that I'll definitely be confirmed, my past experiences had given me a huge phobia for probation!

The Bad Experiences (with SMEs)

I guess SMEs simply don't suit me. Even when my manager wrote a very good appraisal for me, the big boss still decided to extend my probation due to "poor performance". In another SME, my confirmation was put on hold and reliable sources told me that the GM wanted me to leave. But when I tendered my resignation, he had a long talk with me to ask me to stay. Eh.. I don't understand.

But thinking back, I'm grateful. If they didn't push me away, I'll still be stuck in an SME.

To be honest, I prefer working in an MNC. 

Some said there are more office politics in MNCS.. But I think SME is worse leh!

But that's all in the past! Gonna move on (and run far away from SMEs, haha)!

---

Working with MNCs

I've worked in MNCs before but they were all contract employments.

I always worked until I decided to resign. In fact, I was always persuaded to stay after I tendered!

Come to think of it, this is the first time I got a permanent, full-time job with an MNC.

Compared to my last job at HorribleFix, everything is way better!

In terms of remuneration, boss / superiors / colleagues, job scope, environment, culture.. And the list goes on! Truly feel a sense of belonging and most importantly, I feel appreciated!!

I sure hope that I will stay in love with my company for a long, long time! :)

Thank you God!

I guess everything really happens for a reason. ❤

Somehow, I have the feeling that my life is going to get better and better like how it used to be! 

Hope my gut feeling is right again!