Motherhood

The other night, I had a simple dream.

In that dream, I was spending time with my baby (girl?).

I was teaching her how to say "mummy".

It was a very brief dream, yet very heartwarming.

One of the rare dreams that I actually still remember after waking up.

Since I was young, I had longed to become a mother.

Ideally, to have a son first.. Followed by a daughter.

Because I always wanted to have a (handsome) elder brother to protect me.

(Watched too much Japanese manga.. Haha!)

Dreamt of dressing them up in cute little outfits.

Hoped to be able to be a housewife like my mum so I can watch them grow.

But unfortunately, Fate likes to play jokes on me. Right?

Circumstances don't allow me to be one.

I'm 35 already and there is no guy whom I would want to spend my life with.

No matter how much I long for my own loving family and children,

I am not going to accept any guy that comes along.

Kinda defeats the purpose since if the guy is not good husband and father material.

I will only marry for love, never out of desperation.

There won't be any happiness in a love-less relationship.

Despite my old age.. Who knows God may bestow me with a baby someday?

And hopefully with a man who will be a good husband to me, a good father to my baby.

Anyway, just gonna have faith and trust that whatever happens is for a higher Purpose.

Someday I'll understand why things happen the way it did and be grateful for it.

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In the meantime, I'll just manage my life carefully and make the best of what I've been given.