Thursday, October 19, 2017


The other night, I had a simple dream.

In that dream, I was spending time with my baby (girl?).
I was teaching her how to say "mummy".

It was a very brief dream, yet very heartwarming.
One of the rare dreams that I actually still remember after waking up.

Since I was young, I had longed to become a mother.
Ideally, to have a son first.. Followed by a daughter.
Because I always wanted to have a (handsome) elder brother to protect me.
(Watched too much Japanese manga.. Haha!)
Dreamt of dressing them up in cute little outfits.
Hoped to be able to be a housewife like my mum so I can watch them grow.

But unfortunately, Fate likes to play jokes on me. Right?
Circumstances don't allow me to be one.
I'm 35 already and there is no guy whom I would want to spend my life with.

No matter how much I long for my own loving family and children,
I am not going to accept any guy that comes along.
Kinda defeats the purpose since if the guy is not good husband and father material.
I will only marry for love, never out of desperation.
There won't be any happiness in a love-less relationship.

Despite my old age.. Who knows God may bestow me with a baby someday?
And hopefully with a man who will be a good husband to me, a good father to my baby.

Anyway, just gonna have faith and trust that whatever happens is for a higher Purpose.
Someday I'll understand why things happen the way it did and be grateful for it.


In the meantime, I'll just manage my life carefully and make the best of what I've been given.

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