New Changes!

Those who are in my Facebook should be familiar with this:

Quite dull and sad looking, right?

Dear Mr Lee, I still love and respect you (always will).. 

But I guess I've grieved pretty long so it's time for me to move on.

I'm sure you will want me to do so. :)

---

Changed to this:

Well, I used back my old photo because I don't have any suitable photos that can fit into the dimensions nicely. 

It fits in pretty well, isn't it?

Cookie may have passed on already but I still want to use our photos together as profile picture.

(But for my Facebook, it's a profile video. Cool eh!)

I miss my daring Cookie so much.

---

Well, it's still not very joyous looking but I guess it's still better than the previous version!

"What Kind of Me Do I Wanna Be?"

Every now and then, I would ask myself that.

So.. What kind of Me do I wanna be?

Hmm.. Let me see.. 

---

I do miss the old me, in terms of my looks and figure.

(Okay, I'm superficial.. But I'm a Libra so I'm born to appreciate beauty. Heh!)

Recap - Photos taken in 2012:

 

 

Even without makeup, I still look quite cute hor? *Ahems!* Heh!

Hardly post selfies online these days.

Well, I don't think I changed much except I'm fatter now (sob sob)..

Other than that, somehow I feel I am older too?

Photos taken in 2016: 

 

Okay okay, so I know looking older is inevitable since the photos were taken 4 years apart!

(Gosh! How fast time flies!)

But still, I miss the past, cuter version of me!

How can I be cute and youthful again?

During recent years, I actually slack A LOT on maintaining my appearance.

Everyday I go out without makeup, wore my super old spectacles and simply clip my fringe, revealing my super high forehead. Oh, and I always wear my flip flops.

My colleagues commented that I looked so auntie-ish!

Since I came back from my recent Japan trip, I'm happy to say that I've improved a lot.

Haha! 

Hope I can keep up the good work ya! ;)

But.. but.. I've slacked on my weight management routine.

AGAIN.

Urgh! Why is it so hard to slim down and stay slim??

Just bought a slimming gadget.. Hope it helps!

If it works, I will share with you all okay? Heehee!

---

Finding back the previous childlike, kind and silly me.

Well, I think I can actually be childlike and kind again.

But probably not be silly again.

My past experiences have made me wiser and stronger.

I do love my current self now.

Everything happens for a reason.

I believe my past experiences happen to toughen me up and help me grow up.

Used to be very upset all the time..

But now, I feel released.

Thank you God.

Used to explore spirituality and meditation, etc.

Have stopped doing that for ages.

Recently, with Cookie's passing.. I desperately wanted to connect with her.

So I shall start exploring spirituality again!

Was chatting with Sharon and she was sharing her experiences with her deceased dog.

I am so jealous!

Wish I can be as spiritually receptive as her too!

(Cookie baby, I miss you so much!

How can I see, hear, smell or feel you again!!

Who can help me.. =\)

---

Just to summarize.. 

I wanna be: 

- Pretty and youthful (while I can!)

- Regain my former weight and body fats percentage!

- More spiritual

- More happy

- More kind

Oh! Apart from those mentioned above, I also hope to:

- Chat with others more

- Do some charity work

- Study more (2 more modules to go, yay!!)

Thanks to Cookie, I was invited to join this JRT Facebook group.

From there, I knew some friends and got invited to a few more groups.

I LOVE ANIMAL LOVERS!

It feels like I've finally found people like me! Haha!

Okay, so I am normal after all.

In fact, I am not as passionate as many of them.

Really admire the efforts they put in for animals!

BREAK TIME!!

As what I had posted yesterday..

♥♥

---

Feeling so grateful that my life is falling into place rather nicely.

Thank you God!

Assignments done, so I could study for my exam.

And now, exam is over so I can focus on my work! Yay!

A lot of things to do at work now.

At the age of 34 (soon), I can really feel the difference as compared to the past.

Get physically and mentally tired so much more easier now.

(How the heck did I chiong work all day long when I was younger??)

Gonna try doing new things and rush to meet deadlines..

And already feeling the stress..

PLUS!

Others are stressed so they are unknowingly stressing me too.

BUT!

I believe as long as we hang in there, CHIONG..

WE WILL GET TO OUR DESTINATION.

Stay positive!

Random Thoughts

And It's All Coming Back To Me Now

Previously, a 14-year-old boy committed suicide by jumping off his block.

I understood why he did that but I had forgotten how he felt.

Until last Saturday, I remembered that feeling.

It was triggered by a very trivial matter.
At least it is trivial to me NOW, after I've calmed down.

But at that point in time, it was enough to push me off the edge.

Like, literally.

I remembered glancing over and thinking that jumping down isn't that scary.
But problem is, was it high enough to die from this height?
(When I am at my normal self, I am scared of heights, by the way.)

But

I Will Not Kill Myself

Never will.

This is because I firmly believe that it's a test for me to overcome.
Committing suicide is like submitting an incomplete answer sheet and leaving the exam hall before the time is up.

No way. I am NOT giving up without a fight.
I am not going to "repeat this module". I don't want to relive this kind of life again.
I am going to pass this and move on to the next lesson in life!

Thank God for the Hopes

While I was feeling unwanted and worthless.. Friends offer concern to me.
I needed that.

Thank you everyone! May God bless you all.

My Most Desired Wish

My last "dramatic" post before I ended my emotional outburst in Facebook was this.

Still feel a bit emotional when I re-read what I wrote now.

Especially the last part.

I really, really wish to have some love and family warmth someday.

But oh well.

Even if I can't be born into a loving family..

Even if I don't have the luck to find the right guy to create my own loving family with..

I can always count on little furry angels to form a loving family with me.

 

(Mocha may be not in this world physically anymore but she is always in my heart.

My house will always reserve a place for her!)

Thank you to my furry family who have always been there for me all these years.

(Except Fluffy who just came into my life last year.)

I love you all and I always will. ♥♥♥

Message from Above?

Just blogged yesterday and today I chanced upon this!

Dear God, is that a sign that I am on the right track? :)

Finally Free

The whole world said I am bad (too lazy to elaborate) and I believed so. 

I tried to please them, to live up to their expectations but I always failed. 

I was never good enough. Perhaps I was just useless, like they said. 

Finally I realized I was wrong. 

Not the whole world feel that way about me, but just some people who meant the world to me. 

Key word: Meant. Past tense. 

I just have to find a whole new world filled with people who truly care about me. 

Thanks to all those who love me and my everything, be it the good or the bad. 

You help me break out of that "prison" and let me regain some self confidence to see the truth and accept reality. 

Memories of your kindness to me always protect my heart whenever "my previous world" attacks me.
Because of you, I am stronger.

Not going to transform overnight but today is going to be a great start!
(I just hope my heart won't soften again. No more!)

---

有时很想问。

为什么你总是不高兴？

世界欠了你什么？

我又欠了你什么？

我是没法让你满意了。

也不在乎你怎么想了。

你想怎样就怎样吧。

不和你一起闹了。

我真的累了。

我想要活的开心啊～

Enough is enough.

(This is not a poem but I just felt like writing it in this way.)

Once upon a time

There was a silly little girl

Who loved her family a lot

She would over-think

And think way way ahead

That one day her parents would die

And then her sisters

Or maybe she will die first

Everyone has to die eventually

No matter who dies first

They will all be separated eventually

Every time she thought of that

She would cry secretly

She hoped that the family can die together

So that they can always be together

(When I was young, I watched 富貴開心鬼. 

I was so envious because the whole family died together and they could go to the other world together.)

Back to the story..

The silly girl finally died

The End.

---

It's been many years and my heart never really revive.

In fact, it died more and more thoroughly each time some shit happens. Ha.

---

After yet another incident, I think I really have enough.

I don't have any hope for them anymore.

From helpless.. To despair.. To being cold.. And eventually, Oblivious. 

Haha, I'm free now. :)

Came across this today..

Sometimes I asked God

"Why? Why can't I have a loving family?"

Not born with one and unable to create my own because I never find a worthy good guy.

No matter how hard I tried.

And yet others who take everything for granted are blessed with good families and lovers.

Why, God, why?

But nonetheless I'm still grateful.

Because I have Cookie and Fluffy now!

And Mocha! She may have left us physically but she is still in my heart.

Thank you God.

Was chatting with Elise the other day

And she reminded me: We will be 34 this year!

Finally I can have my own place soon!

So looking forward to living ON MY OWN!

My future house shall be a place full of love, peace and positive vibes.

Money, where did you go?

Just got my salary and ahhh... It's gone.

Haha, oh well, most of it.

But the good thing is, I paid my study loanS, ALL my billS and still have enough to (barely) survive until the next payday. 

Praying hard that I don't have anymore unexpected expenses like the past few months!

Can't wait to graduate and finish repaying my study loans! 

I want to start saving that sum of money for my future house every month!

Hang in there! 

---

Can't help feeling ashamed that I don't have a sum of significant savings at the age of 33 (34 after my birthday this year.)
I sure wish that someone taught me about the CORRECT concept of money and saving up when I was younger! Lost count of the times I regretted not saving up when I was young and my parents and Cookie were still healthy!

Too late for regrets.. I can only start bucking up NOW!

True Story

Not just on Mondays though! Haha!

Another random post

I have this severe sinus problem since forever.

Lately I met a 神医 who improved my condition practically instantly. 

(Not cheap though!) 

Just finished exercising and it suddenly dawned to me:

f I had exercised regularly, watched my diet (less cold water, especially) and practiced correct lifestyle habits (eg not staying up late)..... 

Perhaps my condition would have improved already?

On a side note, it feels so awesome to be exercising!! 

But why do I always stop doing it regularly after knowing how shiok it is??

Hope I can maintain my exercise routine! At least 150 minutes per week please!!

加油! 争气一点啦! Haha!

SO FRUSTRATED..

Why can't I upload my Meipai videos to my blog???

Or should I say, I can upload.

BUT. 

THEY CANNOT BE PLAYED.

Chrome cannot.

Firefox cannot.

Phone cannot.

This is driving me nuts.

Not sure if the problem is with Blogspot?

Or with my laptop?

Or with my not-so-smart phone?

I wanna blog about Stacci's birthday celebration..

But the Meipai videos are not playing!!

---

Speaking of phone.. I finally ordered my new IPHONE 6S this morning!

WOOHOO~~~♥

AND IN ROSE GOLD! ♥♥

(Ahh, I feel a lot better already.. Haha!)

Was hoping that I could go and collect it today but the seller messaged to say that the stock may only be available on 2 Dec.

May? May? Mayyy?

Praying hard that I can get my new smartphone soon!

So excited to revert back to using iPhone after 2 years!

Sorry Samsung, I realized I really can't love you..

Happy Catching Up~

Always a pleasure to meet up with old friends. :):):)

Kenny and 2 more of his friends (yay, new friends!) came to meet me to la kopi.. 

Although we didn't la any kopi. Haha!

Had a great time chilling out with them! Whoa, all have pets! And very real people. 

It's very comfortable to hang out around them.

And finally got ppl to go ktv with me~~ Lol! 

Almost forgot how to sing liao lor!

---

Was chatting random stuff and Kenny commented, I kept talking about Eugene. Opps! 

But yet I refused to say much about this mysterious guy.

Always thought that I prefer the mysterious guy more than Eugene..

But after Kenny pointed that out, I wondered if I think of Eugene more?

Then again, it could also be due to the fact that the things that happened are crazily epic..

And hence, make interesting topics..?

Hmm..

I don't understand my own feelings either. Well, it doesn't matter.. I guess? 

Anyway both guys are out of my reach now and whatever feelings I have are for the guys they used to be. 

Not the current them.

Does that make sense to you? Haha!

---

Reached home and continued to think. Ha!

Maybe like what Kenny said, 我还是有点放不下..

Kenny mentioned that he missed Eugene's singing so I sent him the link to the videos below:

(Every time I watched his videos, it feels like he's still alive.

Those good old days when we used to be so sweet until everyone said we attract ants..)

---

Kenny later messaged me this:

"After watching can still feel the sweetness in him.

I think that's the part of the memories you should keep."

#WordsOfWisdom

This boy ah.. When did he grow up to be a mature adult? :)

Time flies indeed!

好可惜

Chanced upon this song a few times. Actually it didn't attract me that much initially.

But strangely, the more I listen, the more I pay attention it.

Especially these lyrics:

"說到底是真有感情不騙你 敢與全世界為敵

為了你受盡委屈 這些苦我甚至都願意"

"好可惜終於失去你 對不起我已經盡力"

"好可惜我們回不去 傷心哭泣變本加厲 

我一直婉拒別人的情意 只為個不確定的你"

Ah, reminds me of that naive and silly me back then.

Here's the full lyrics in case you are interested:

忘記想要忘談何容易

不怨你是我如此不堪一擊

感情深可入海底

愛的真沒人能比

這些你從不放在眼裡

想你不只是因為空虛

說到底是真有感情不騙你

敢與全世界為敵

為了你受盡委屈

這些苦我甚至都願意

好可惜終於失去你

對不起我已經盡力

我沒有放棄只是不見你

以為這樣就傷不到自己

好可惜我們回不去

傷心哭泣變本加厲

我一直婉拒別人的情意

只為個不確定的你

想你不只是因為空虛

說到底是真有感情不騙你

我與全世界為敵

為了你受盡委屈

這些苦我甚至都願意

好可惜終於失去你

對不起我已經盡力

我沒有放棄只是不見你

以為這樣就傷不到自己

好可惜我們回不去

傷心哭泣變本加厲

我一直婉拒別人的情意

只為個不確定的你

其實在心裡

我真的好想求你別和我分離

好可惜終於失去你

對不起我已經盡力

我沒有放棄只是不見你

以為這樣就傷不到自己

好可惜我們回不去

傷心哭泣變本加厲

我一直婉拒別人的情意

只為個不確定的你

Just a quick update~♥

Haven't been updating my blog recently due to a series of events:

1. Was dangerously close to exceeding my month data usage!

2. HPB announced a major policy change on my birthday. #OhGodWhy

Thanks to #2, I've been super busy at work!

And I've been racking my brains for "fire fighting" until I've been getting headaches these days.. 

And yet I can't stop because we  are running out of time! 

Hope I can save as many clients (or rather, their grants) as possible!

Hang in there! Just a little while more and I'll be able to revert to my relaxing days again!!

Go go fighting!

---

Currently in my class.. Phew! Can take a little break from my hectic schedule~ ^^

(You know life has been really hectic when studying actually feels relaxing.. LOL!)

Okay, class's break time is almost over.. Time to pay attention in class!

Will try to blog again soon!

---

So looking forward to the event on this Sunday!

Guess what? Fluffy will be helping out too!

It's gonna be her very 1st charity event!

Watch out for Fluffy and me on the streets!

(And stay tuned for my blog post on this event~♥)

HELLO IPHONE 6S..♥

..in ROSE GOLD!

Source

(Also check out the specifications and details in the above link too!)

I wonder if the actual color will be in this exact shade of pink?

Hmm..

So anyway, the new iPhone 6S is finally revealed today!

Love the fact that it's designed for people who want to take selfies.. LOL!

And the camera specifications are BETTER!

Can't wait to lay my hands on one!

But I still gotta wait for a couple of weeks at least.

Will only be on sale from 25 September 2015 onwards!

Home-cooked Dinner!

Suddenly had a craving for sotongs!!

So I went grocery shopping to buy the ingredients~♥

Reached home,

cooked and..

..Tada!

 T

Tonight's Dinner

Shishamos

Sotongs with sambal chilli & garlic

Alfalfa hay

(And white rice.. Not cooked by me though. Heh!)

What a satisfying meal~

It's so much cheaper to cook these myself!

I enjoyed the cooking process too~

(我很贤惠吧? LOL!)

Online Shopping Spree!

Staying up late to grab good deals while the 1 DAY SALE is still valid!!

It was finally time to buy the stuff that had been sitting in my shopping cart for ages!

(Some of the things have been 'rotting' inside there for months! Haha!)

Some of the stuff I bought.. Heehee!

Optimus Prime for Leroy!

Can be transformed into a vehicle too!

Can't wait to see his reaction when I pass him the present!

---

Since my birthday is just around the corner..

I guess it's a valid excuse for me to buy something for myself ya?

Heehee!

Bluetooth Earphones! ♥

Comes in black and white and I chose the white one! (Both colors are nice though!)

Love how it can link to my mobile phone or other gadgets with bluetooth!

Can't wait to try it!

(Want me to write a review on this?)

(Some of you may be observant to notice the recent blog post on the new wallet that I bought..

Well, it is not considered my birthday present because I had been using the same wallet for more than 2 years already! Fully worth the price I paid for it! Haha! It's super cheap, by the way~ A few bucks only, I think?)

So tempted to buy these since the slippers I wore in office are very old and dirty already!

THIS IS SO CUTE! LOL!

But I didn't buy these in the end though.

Let me reconsider for another few more months.. Haha!

Bought a lot of other stuff for my sponsored kids and friends too!

---

When I wanted to check out my shopping cart.. The total amounted to USD 80+

But oh well, the original prices elsewhere are a lot more expensive!

I actually saved quite a lot already. Once a while.. Okay lah!

No more shopping spree for me already..

At least not for the next few months!

In the meantime.. 

Waiting eagerly for my purchases to be delivered! Woohoo! ♥

Reliving Childhood Memories! ♥

My wallet had been used for more than 2 years and it was pretty dirty already.. 

Been trying to find The Wallet and then I saw these!!

SAILORMOON!! ♥

Aww.. So nostalgic!

I guess I always have a soft spot for Sailormoon.. Keke!

Tada! MINE! ♥

So loving this! Love the details!!

(Actual item was better than expected!)

Had been using a small wallet so I always had to fold my dollar notes.

Hence, I used to have crumpled notes!

So nice to have a big wallet again! My dollar notes are so nice and smooth now! Keke!

---

Previously ordered it because it's Sailormoon.. And then I realized this is a branded wallet. Haha!

The brand is: SAMANTHA VEGA

Happened to walk pass its boutique the other day and caught a glimpse of their bags.. 

Eg.

SO NICE AND GIRLY! ♥♥

Totally my preferred style!

So gonna pop by and check out their bags!

Prices are pretty affordable too!

And guess what! They have Sailormoon bags too!

More Sailormoon stuff (seen from Internet):

I love them all! Probably changing mobile phone soon so I can't buy casing yet. Haha!

Feeling kinda like a happy kid all over again! :3